your thong is hanging out like whoa
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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