i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
