I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
