god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
