there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
COCAINE IS GR8
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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