i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can u get pink eye on your cock?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
