We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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