The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
