I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
