fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
