o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
