I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
