Jerry, you need to find god
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
