IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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