We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
