Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This is classic penis vs brain.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
