Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
