I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
