my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
