can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
