new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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