a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
