Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
