Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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