she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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