Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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