Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You're like the curious george of whores
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize