My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
