margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
