look no pants
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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