Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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