how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
