i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When are your genitals available?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
