wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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