I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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