This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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