i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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