The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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