is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
love makes seman taste better
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
