We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
