it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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