I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
