mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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