I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
