Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
