You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
