so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize