Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
