The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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