come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
