its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
