Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
