Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
