Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
