with your own penis?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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