i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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