I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize