the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
