i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
