The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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