i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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