How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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