How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
false alarm. still invincible.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His hands were made for my vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
