i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
