someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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