That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
