he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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