after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
